Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
