Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
