Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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