Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
