ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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