Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize