Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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