Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
