I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize