I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
