Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
