time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
