Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
