Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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