Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
