Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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