i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
