she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
