Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
