I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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