I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
