The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
