we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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