i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
