In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
