I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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