Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
