I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We left an ass print on the piano.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
