I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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