Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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