both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
