GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
