will power is for people who don't want to get laid
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
