I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
