So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize