dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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