i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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