He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am one with the molecules
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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