well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
