I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm passing your future prison.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
