everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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