so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
