bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
