What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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