I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
