You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
