i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
