I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
