In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
