right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
