There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you would pick up someone in the library
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
