He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
