My first STD was from a foam party
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
