sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
