It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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