pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
