my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
