I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Im part way to drunk.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
