I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize